WHY I CANT I GET DRUNK ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fucking shit. A bottle of wine down, a pint of Brandy and a J of top shelf—what the fucking shit? I should be slurring. I should be howling at headlights and throwing rocks on the moon…but no. I’m as sober as a person can be after ingesting this amount of booze and weed. How fucking stupid. I need more drugs. I need some ex or coke or shrooms or painkillers or barbs or maybe some lenos….fuck it, I’m down. I’m running out of substances to make me not feel like how I feel. Every version of me is becoming normalized. I have to off some of my personalities–there are too many.
What the fuck.
How stupid.
I want to fucking slur like a drunken idiot. I want to go to the liquor store and steal a Playboy like a teen, or skip down the street to the train depot by my house and bust a piece on the side of a freight train.
Fuck, these moods are bad.
I think the Gabapentin prevents me from getting drunk; it has to be that.
Maybe I should take my sleeping pills before my drunken wish comes true.
Or maybe I should just smoke enough weed to scare me from going outside and getting into trouble.
Maybe I should paint.
Maybe I should destroy.
Maybe I should do both.
Pretty Words for Ugly Thoughts 